The winter this year seems to have dragged on and on with incessant winds that have reduced my ability to get afloat to just two occasions so far! Statistically, this is very unusual. Running my fingers back over the pages of Whimbrel’s logs I see that usually I get out at least four to six times during the each month of January and February.
Fortunately, in my area (south Essex) we haven’t had anywhere near the rainfall that has affected many other parts of the country. Sadly, many have been flooded out of their homes – but we won’t delve into the reasons why, lay blame or become political (boring): the weather has brought much devastation.
During dry times I have been busy aboard Whimbrel re-seating various components around her decks, stanchion bases, pushpit bases and the fuel filler cap. Two of the pulpits bases require like-treatment.
Christobel and I have been able to keep up our walking too – in fact the weather has only prevented us getting out once since the New Year! We have enjoyed some fantastic walks in wild windy weather, but dry…
But during January, I was becoming troubled … I had become aware of changes to my body. What wa happening? Was it a problem? Would it continue after treatment? Questions … worry. Loss of sleep. I had to do something.
When I last saw my oncologist, I told him about some soreness being experienced around my chest/breast. This is a well known side effect to the course of treatment I was placed on. For me though it took nearly 18 months to make itself felt.
For previous story runs, see: http://nickardley.com/ditch-crawlers-year-afloat-with-family-and-friends-meeting-people-and-talking-about-prostate-cancer-get-tested-save-a-life/
Then, what I thought was just a ‘funny little thing’ became, to me, a noticeable lump.
Heck, I thought, I’m going through a sex change … I was worried. I told Christobel (we have no bars) and I then emailed my contact nurse practitioner at Southend Hospital. I was ‘sent’ towards my GP in the first instance with a note saying ‘you’ll probably need a uss…’ (Ultra sound scan)
I became dead scared…
I popped into our surgery and asked for an appointment – none for weeks. Come in first thing tomorrow and ask … I was also in for a blood pressure check. Disaster. Now been put on a 10 day monitoring regime to return next week!
So, on Friday, I was waiting outside the Doc’s at 0740 … saw a triage nurse and was booked in for 1030.
Christobel came with me to the surgery … I was feeling troubled indeed.
The doctor listened to what the problem was, checked my notes (I noticed he even had the paper file with prostate treatment letters from hospital open…) and did an inspection.
He said, ‘I think it is a gynaecomastia – a hardening of the male breast tissue…’ he explained. ‘But … its been found there’s a link between breast cancer and prostate cancer …’ Now I was really worried.
I was told that a letter of referral would ‘go off that day to Southend Hospital’s breast unit … be a maximum of two weeks, but should hear sometime next week … if two weeks comes round and no letter get back up to the surgery…’
On Saturday, after returning from enjoying ourselves on a club work party, a brown envelope lay beneath our letter box. I tore it open. An appointment for Tuesday following had been made! Christobel looked at me and grimaced…
My thoughts were racing out of control … a head-splitting fear of becoming a cross between Poseidon and Aphrodite was growing … a hermaphrodite … and with the doctor talking about more cancer possibilities … I’d reached a limit.
I have to admit, I had a few glasses over the weekend…
By noon on Monday, I was so tired, I was sent to bed, something I’d not had to do for some while. Monday night I was awake at 0215 … still awake at 0430, so got up and had some tea, laid the breakfast table and tried to read. When Christobel came to, I got a rocketing for not waking her!
Yesterday (appointment day) dragged … but after our morning walk I busied myself fitting the doors and finishing the roof to a new utility shed we’ve purchased.
Showered and refreshed, I had lunch ready for when my good mate returned from a chin-wag with friends. Then we were off … Christobel gently soothing me…
A little before my appointment time we wafted into, what the paperwork described aptly, as a ‘women centred clinic’ dealing with the female breast … yes, it was definitely a feminine place, in feel and looks! I was the only man and many heads turned as I stood at the admissions desk. My colour rose. A kindly lady looked at me asked for name, ‘ah yes…’ she said, shuffling a ‘pack’ of papers.
I was given a clipboard and a pen – another load of questions – and began filling the many boxes. A big chunk had been scored out: I was clearly a man and hadn’t dealt with childbirth…
Some while later I was called through and taken to a consulting room and asked to strip off, up top, and put on a gown – of a feminine pinkish colour … more bad feelings were rising within me! The nurse said the doctor would be through shortly. Christobel accompanied me, doing as told and looking at her, I grimaced.
The consultation was something most women are familiar with … it was clear he was satisfied that this wasn’t another cancer.
I had a heart racing moment for the chap didn’t seem to have taken on board my prostate treatment – I spoke up as Christobel chirped, ‘he’s on prostate cancer hormone therapy…’
The specialist said, ‘Yes, yes…’ but he wanted me to have a mammogram as well as an ultra sound scan for an internal look.
The consultant’s nurse turned before leaving the room and said, ‘Put the gown back on, or your shirt if you like…’ It was a relief: I wasn’t looking forward to wandering around in the fetchingly female hue…
I found out talking to the kindly desk ladies while waiting, for I was too pent up to read much (as Christobel was doing, until her book ran out of pages…), that apparently they’re seeing many men in the clinic … I didn’t ask the question, but thought, why not have some ‘manly’ or gender neutral gowns available…
The mammogram came first … the radiographer had some difficulty in getting enough to squeeze between the plates … the left was worse and she ‘grabbed’ and pulled ‘me’ in! Actually it was all done with gentleness … then came an additional squeeze as the machine did its stuff…
Then there was a long break before being called for my scan … it was during this the consultant asked questions about how long I’d been on the bicalutamide and tamoxifen medication and for how long it was to continue.
A ‘nod’ was the only response, other than the breast specialist would answer all questions…
We were soon on our way!
Interestingly, tamoxifen has been found to be an effective treatment for not only female breast cancer, its main use, but also for men who suffer from male breast tenderness or hard tissue. I have asked the question of my treatment team nurse practitioner if my once a week tamoxifen tablet is as a counter to the probable side effects of the daily bicalutamide… I await with interest any response! (See below)
See link below for hormone treatment side effects. Different ones will affect different people, and possibly, some could have all to contend with!
NHS Prostate treatment procedures and side effects: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/prostate-cancer/treatment/
It was a great relief to be told by the breast specialist I saw that the hard tissue will disperse over a period of time once the hormone treatment is finished…
As I shook his hand and turned to go, I almost quipped, ‘Don’t fancy being a cross between a Greek God and Goddess…’
Post Script: My contact nurse practitioner has since confirmed that the tamoxifen is indeed given purely to make it more difficult for the bicalutamide to try and make changes to the male body … and hoped that I was feeling more comfortable in myself … wonderful!